A Fish Out of Water

My travels out west really wore me out.  My body is definitely not suited for the high desert plains.  I spent the last week resting and recovering in Lowell, and even had an emergency room trip Thursday night.  I ended up there because I had a reaction to a new medication and I couldn't breathe.  I'm very thankful Tommy was around to drive me and pick me up at 2 a.m., he may have saved my life.  I had a few finals stories to tell that I thought time had run out on, but my buddy Faherty texted me and suggested he needed some type of closure.  How could I say no to a man with such poor fantasy football skills, it'll probably be his only highlight of the next six months.

Leaving Deadwood was a bit nostalgic because even though I stayed for two nights, which is actually a long time for me, I felt like I knew the town from the TV show, as absurd as that may sound.  I knew how it began, it's essence made sense to me, and I had a feel for it.

I managed to recover the Black Hills time lapse video, after the laptop fiasco, so here's what driving from Wind Cave National Park to Mt. Rushmore looks like:

I left Deadwood and I had to drive through the open range throughout Wyoming and Utah to get back to Vegas.  I had a long ways to go and I wasn't really looking forward to it.  I had seen the elephant.  The mountain air had dried me out and the the altitude had me worn out from using so much energy to breathe.  Someone with a normal lung capacity may use 2% of their energy to breathe, and at sea level my body uses about 20%, but up in the thin air of the mountains I might need half my energy just to breathe.  I took the Spearfish road and began a 581 mile journey through Wyoming.

It was fun for a while, then it wasn't.  Driving became the opposite of fun as I approached Green River in southwest Wyoming near the Utah border.  The elevation was near 9,000 feet and the narrow two lane road was unguarded.  Only a foot or two from the edge of the road the canyons dropped thousands of feet and there was nothing to stop me.  The danger made me nervous and kept me focused on the road.

The light of the day faded rapidly and evening turned to night.  The open spaces I could look down three or four thousand feet turned into a vast empty darkness that surrounded me and terrified me.  If a car went off the road there it could be weeks or months until they were found, if ever.  I was on the outer lane and each time a car would approach from the opposite direction I hoped the temporary blinding from the oncoming headlights would be quick, I locked in on the edge of the road to be sure to stay on it.

I descended to Flaming Gorge, but the treacherous conditions remained.  Warning signs for animals popped up everywhere and I knew I would I would meet some wildlife.  There were a lot of rabbits crossing the road.  Coming down and around a bend I sensed life nearby and slowed - then hit the brakes.  Three pronghorn crossing right in front of me.  Pronghorn look like deer.  I would have hit them if I wasn't ready.  Then as I pulled around around turn there was two rabbits in my lane.  One ran, the other didn't, and never will again.  I didn't feel good about it, and I didn't feel bad about it, but I was sickened by the sound.

I drove on into an amazing lightning storm that thankfully kept it's distance.  I arrived in Naples, UT ready for bed having just completed the most terrifying drive of my life.

The next morning I was eating cheerios at a breakfast counter in the hotel lobby and a guy approached me.  What happened? he said.  I told him I had to wear oxygen because the air was too thin.  Then he says, "do you believe in god?"  Whether he was going to bless me or curse me I didn't need it, so I said "can I have some privacy to eat these cheerios, man?"

That night I ended up in Bicknell, UT, population 325.  The dinner options were limited, and by that I mean there was a pizza place open that didn't look good.  I drove to the next town over, Torrey, and found a gem of a spot.  The Saddlery Cowboy Bar and Steakhouse was huge, and empty.  I saddled up to the bar and ordered the buffalo meatloaf dinner.

The next morning I dropped my keys in the bin and waved good bye to Granny.

When I'm at home the gas warning light in the car always seems a little premature.  But, when you're in the middle of nowhere Utah seventy miles may not always be enough.  That morning I didn't pass one gas station on my way to the I-15 that would take me south to Vegas.  I had fourteen miles to empty when I approached the I-15.  It was an interstate highway so I figured I'd be fine, all I had to do was make it there.  As I got closer to I-15 I didn't see gas stations either way, so I headed south.  I saw a sign for Parowan, UT, and I had 13 miles to empty.  Parowan was 16 miles away, I figured I could make it.  I didn't want to use any excess gas so I turned off the A/C and accelerated slowly onto the highway.  I was going 55 in a 70 to be as efficient as possible, but I don't know anything about cars, so maybe I was just being foolish.

At two miles to empty I took the exit for Paragonah.  There was absolutely nothing there except a local checking their mail.  I shut the car off and asked for a gas station.  They said there was one in Parowan about six miles down the road.  I said, "ok great".  Not great at all, I was out of gas.  The car wouldn't start.  The sun was burning me and the car wouldn't start.  I pressed the ignition again, nothing.  Then I realized I was still in DRIVE, so I put the car in PARK and turned it on.  I had 2 miles of gas for 6 miles to Parowan.

I had 0 miles to empty and four miles to Parowan.  I covered the dash with my hands on the wheel so I couldn't see it and hoped for the best.  In the distance I could see a gas station right off the exit, if I could only make it there.  If it wasn't for the merciful spirit of Brigham Young, I may not have made it.  I rolled into the gas station not on fumes, on blessings.  Blessings only.

Then a idiot Giants fan heckled me about my Patriots hat in the gas station.  He says, "c'mon did Brady do it?"  I replied, "of course he did! And he's gonna play!".  Then as I was eating a 3 Musketeers in the car he walked by and gave me the loser sign, finger L on forehead.  I just shook my head.  Then I realized he was the only friend I made on the trip.

When I arrived in Vegas the heat was astounding.  The car said 116, but it was more like 110, which was little relief.  Sitting at McCarron airport at midnight the heat was still 105.

I ate dinner at the airport and was glad to be heading home.  I was exhausted.  I had driven 3,300 miles over a week.  I drove through the canyons of the southwest, the great plains, the magical Black Hills, the open range, and the high mountain desert.  Aside from the desert storm early on the sun warmed the plains to 90-100 degrees everyday.  I decided in 2012 that I wanted to see all fifty states and now I've been to 49.  Alaska is the last frontier.

This trip was a lot harder than I thought it would be, and I had already failed to navigate the west two years ago.  This place is rough, it's high and dry, has endless open space, and there's danger lurking around every corner.  It definitely pushed my body to the limit.  The last three days out there, from Deadwood to Vegas, it was all about getting home.  When I hit North Dakota I felt like I had accomplished something, but there was still a long way to go, so I didn't really think about it.  There were a few things I wanted to see on the route back to Vegas, but I didn't have enough left in the tank, so I skipped them and just focused on getting home in one piece.

I've been to 49 states, and I want to go to Alaska to complete my journey.  If I don't make it to Alaska, somebody please burn me and spread my ashes in the Kenai River, between May and October.  I want be eaten by Alaskan salmon, and it's during those months that they begin their exodus upriver to spawn.  Salmon is my favorite fish, so the circle of life would be complete.  

Deadwood: Gold and Silver

I slept restlessly due to the grief of losing my laptop.  I tried calling Motel 6 in Colby, Kansas around 10 a.m. to tell them I was coming to get it.  They said they didn't find it, so I prepared to move on.  Loss is part of life and when you forget that you suffer more.  It's just a computer and I didn't care that much, but I was bumming because I was so careless.  Part of my concern was that my laptop password was apple123, and I had all my passwords stored in Notes.  However, I figured the chances of a security breach were low.

Despite my grief, it was a pleasure to watch the final episode of HBO's Deadwood series in Deadwood.  Deadwood grew as a result of the Black Hills Gold Rush.  It got it's name from all the dead trees that had accumulated in the gulch.

I originally watched all three seasons of the show over Christmas vacation in 2012.  I loved it.  I felt like a resident of Deadwood that week and started doing shots of whiskey in my kitchen between episodes.  I would put Deadwood in my top 5 favorite shows.  The characters are great and Al Swearengen is particularly amazing.  When I was down the Cape in July, I started re-watching it with my brother John and I finally finished last night, right here in Deadwood.  It was sweet.

I was moving slow, so I didn't get rolling until around 11.  The sun was shining and I decided I'd drive with the top down for a bit before the high plains sun made me retreat for shade.  I had been throwing candy wrappers (Peanut Butter Snickers, 3 Musketeers), beef jerky containers, and water bottles on the floor of the passenger seat, where I had also been keeping my small carry-on suitcase, so I figured it was time to do a little tidying up so they didn't blow out of the car with the top down.  I got a bag and got down on my knees.

The history books will tell you about the gold in Deadwood.  Nobody has ever heard about the silver found in Deadwood because up until today there wasn't any.  When I got down in my knees a glint of silver caught my eye.  Poking out from under the passenger seat was a silver Macbook Air!  Today I was in the grace and favor of the great spirit of the Black Hills.  I could not believe it.  I stood there for a moment in shock.  I had been keeping my bag there because Mustang's have a useless backseat and I occasionally needed to grab things out of it so the trunk would have been inconvenient.  Evidently, the laptop slipped out when I was accelerating, or going uphill, but I love accelerating so probably then since I do it as often as possible.  I don't even like driving fast, relatively speaking, but I will accelerate all day.  That's the triumphant story of Deadwood silver.  I zoomed out of town with the top down and headed for North Dakota.

Whip

I arrived in North Dakota around 2 p.m. Mountain Time August 14, 2015, it was 99 degrees.  When I crossed the border, my conquest of the continental 48 states was completed.  I went to Hawaii in 2003, so that leaves only Alaska.            

I wanted to pull over when I saw the North Dakota welcome sign, and what would you know, they had a pull off area, so it worked out perfectly.  I pulled off the road and drove right up to the sign.  I played Wiz Khalifa - See You Again because Wiz was born in North Dakota.  I listened to the songs and took a couple of quick picks and videos.  I didn't linger, I was gone by the time it takes a hungry man to eat his lunch.

I made a time lapse video of the last leg of the drive here, it's a minute long.

And then I got out to whip.

Heading back from North Dakota, I stopped in Buffalo South Dakota.  I picked up some beef jerky and a Sno-berry iced tea.  My favorite thing about the stores around here is that they ask you if you want a sack - not a bag, a sack.  Sacks only.

After that stop, I cruised 36 miles without using the brake or gas, I was headed for Devils Tower in Wyoming.  I stopped again in Belle Fourche and gassed up.  I went inside to use the bathroom because you never know around here when the next chance will be.  Plus, it was 100 degrees and my pony was in the shade and could use the respite.

The first place I drove through in Wyoming was Aladdin, population 15.

It seems people riding motorcycles in Wyoming don't wear helmets.  I rode with three dudes for a stretch.  I was cagin' it and they rode their bikes with one hand and no helmets.  

Right outside Hulett, WY, I felt a little dehydrated, and I saw a sign that said entering District 4.  Then Drake shuffled on and it occurred to me that I was runnin' through the four with my woes.  I quickly chugged a Gatorade, lemon lime.  Lemon lime only.  

Hulett, WY

Then when I went around a bend I saw Devils Tower and I said - holy shit!  I was impressed.  I could see it from about 15-20 miles away.  This thing made Elk Penis look like a stick in the sand.  

You can see Devil's Tower - middle left on the horizon

Approaching Devils Tower through the Bear Lodge Mountains was exciting.  Devils Tower was the first national monument, declared by Teddy Roosevelt in 1906.  To read the Native American legends click here.  I put the top down to drive through the park, it was a good decision despite the 95 degree heat.  As I was leaving I saw two buffalo and that was awesome.  

Out the back of the convertible

After Devils Tower, I headed back to Deadwood for the night.  Today was one of those days I didn't want to end.  

Looking down on Deadwood from the Spearfish road

I parked next to this ride

  

INDEX

Start: Deadwood

Finish: Deadwood

Miles: 351.8

Time on road: 6:55

States: South Dakota, North Dakota, Wyoming

# of states I've visited: 49 (Alaska)

Seen the Elephant

I left Colby, Kansas after the morning routine of scrubbing bug splatter off the windshield at a gas station. While I was in front of the car I also noticed that there was enough wheat in the front grill to fill a box of cereal. I spent the morning driving flat, straight roads. Later in the evening I'd realize that stretch through the Great Plains, Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, Nebraska, was the dullest part of America. Cruise control is probably the only reason I made it. The speed limit is on the roads I was on was always 65 and if you set cruise control, you can drive for 50 miles without braking or needing the gas. I'm not joking. Seeing endless field of sunflowers was the only comfort.

For lunch I stopped in Sidney, Nebraska. I decided on Dairy Queen and the burger I had was amazing. What a terrific place - you can walk in and have a good burger and walk out with a blizzard. 

I made a stop at Chimney Rock in Nebraska. Chimney Rock itself was underwhelming, but there was a sign warning about rattlesnakes, so I was a little more interested. Then I went in to the visitor center. 

The small exhibit in the visitor center cost $3, a modest fee which I would have paid just to use the shitter. 

I was happy to learn that Native Americans called the rock "Elk Penis". That name made more sense to them, and to me. 

I also read about a phrase Americans moving west used - "seen the elephant".

Everyone copies America. American culture is taking over the world. It doesn't matter if you think this is good or bad - it's already happening. I saw a great example of this today outside Alliance, Nebraska. On the side of route 87 is Carhenge. Carhenge is a formation built from old cars and served as a model for Stonehenge. 

A little further down the road there was a post-modern rest area. 

I was excited to get to South Dakota and immediately drove through Buffalo Gap  National Grasslands, which was as you would expect, except without buffalo. When the Black Hills were in sight things started to look awesome, I was in a forest, there was twists and turns, hills, it was fun to drive, fun to look at, and it was then I fully realized how dull my drive through the Great Plains had been. This place was special and the Black Hills actually did look black. The Black Hills have been intriguing throughout time, dinosaurs liked the Black Hills, if you believe in science.  

I have time lapse videos driving through Wind Cave National Park to Mt. Rushmore but for reasons that will soon be clear I cannot post them yet. This time I taped my phone to the rear view mirror and was pleasantly surprised at how well it worked. 

It was a joy to drive through this area and the first thing I wanted to see was the Crazy Horse Monument. Even though it has been a work in progress since 1948 and is still quite a long ways from being completed, I wanted to check the progress. 

After some twists and turns and ups and downs I could see Crazy Horse towering over the Avenue of the Chiefs pointing to the East. It looked cool, but I can confirm that it is far from completion. 

I headed towards Mt. Rushmore next and traffic picked up. I drove behind a minivan from California. The elevation is over 5,000 feet near Rushmore. 

I found that the key to Rushmore is to avoid the tourists and drive past the entrance and pull off to the side of the road. That's where I got this photo, which was enough of a view for me. 

Keystone, South Dakota was the next place I drove through and it was a nightmare of tourism. It took another half hour or so to get to Deadwood, which a was a beautiful and enjoyable ride. 

I checked into the First Gold Hotel and Casino. They informed me that I'd be in building 3, but there was 24 hour golf cart pickup in case I needed to gamble in the dark hours. 

When I got to my room I was hungry. So I called for a golf cart to bring me to the deli. The bacon cheeseburger I ate back in my room was terrific. After I ate I opened my bag and realized my MacBook was in Colby, Kansas, and likely never to be in my possession again. I went to bed unenthused and salty. 

INDEX

Start: Colby, KS

End: Deadwood, SD

Miles: 534.8

Time on road: 10:23

States: Kansas, Nebraska, Colorado, South Dakota 

Marked Man

When I got on the road in Albuquerque I tuned into the sports station and was reminded that there was a Deflategate hearing today.  All you need to know is that Brady is a Leo and he will never admit he did anything wrong.  He probably even believes he did nothing wrong.  The guy on the radio described today as the "moment of truth" for Deflategate as they were "before the man".  Before I lost transmission they also briefly discussed Geno Smith getting punched in the face and having his jaw broken over an alleged gambling debt.

I stopped after forty miles in Moriarty, NM to get coffee, food, and scrub last night's bug splatter off the windshield.  It was ninety degrees and sunny and people were playing golf walking with their umbrellas to shield the high desert sun.

Driving along I-40 I saw a sign for Billy the Kid's final resting place and it reminded me how much I loved both Young Guns and Young Guns II.



Outlaws like Billy the Kid can avoid the law for a while, but the law eventually catches up.  I cruised along I-40 and took U.S. 54 northwest at Tucumcari.  A fateful decision, as it turns out.  Just outside Tucumcari I pulled over on the side of the road and set up my iPhone to take a time lapse video.  The drive was rather uneventful, so I figured why not make a film.  There were few cars on the road, so I pulled off and rigged up the phone with my selfie stick between the seat and rear view mirror to get a steady shot.  It seemed good to go, so I pressed record and pulled onto the road.  I drove for about 15 minutes then another driver caught up from behind and was riding my tail.  There was no way I was going to allow someone to pass me and unman me in my own movie, so I sped up a little.  The car behind me turned and I continued to cruise.  Fifteen minutes later, I had a run in with the law.  Check out the video, around the 19 second mark you can see a lawman pass me going the opposite way.



I saw the patrol car pass me and looked in my rearview mirror - he braked and pulled a u-turn.  I had felt under suspicion in New Mexico right from the jump.  I saw a lot of signs for safety corridor and fines doubled areas in New Mexico, they take road safety seriously.  I quickly disassembled my filmmaking equipment and saw lights flashing, and then pulled over.  Just like Billy the Kid, the law caught up to me in New Mexico.  I remembered the time in 2012 on my eastern USA road trip that I nearly got pinched in Harpers Ferry.  That time it was the car behind me, today the law came for me.

The man on patrol asked me if I knew what he pulled me over for.  I didn't think it would be wise to volunteer that it was my makeshift selfie stick mounted iPhone dashcam, so I said "not sure" to avoid incriminating myself unnecessarily.  When he said speeding it was kind of a relief.  When he asked if I knew how fast I was going I replied "not sure", and when he said 78 I was again relatively relieved.  I asked if he was going to give me a ticket, and he replied that he could reduce the miles per hour to five over the limit (70).  I then asked if I could have a warning, to which he replied that he could reduce the miles per hour to 5 over the limit, again.  He wrote the ticket and then we went our separate ways, literally, he pulled another u-turn and continued the opposite direction.

     

I was more mindful of the speed limit driving through Texas.  I stopped briefly in Dalhart, TX.  I passed a big cattle ranch outside Dalhart and boy did it stink.  The cattle smelled worse and worse, by the time I got to Kansas later in the night the fumes overpowering my car were diabolical.

Texas

Texas

After passing through Texas, I pulled over just inside the Oklahoma panhandle in Texhoma, OK.  I got some water to stay hydrated and queued up some songs.  Carrie Underwood was born and raised in Oklahoma so I listened to her songs to honor her and her people.  My favorite song is her biggest hit Before He Cheats.

I lost another hour going from Mountain to Central time and I was growing tired and hungry as I drove through Kansas.  I was hoping there would be another Waffle House across from the Motel 6 in Colby.  I needed it.  I thought about how how much I needed it.  Then I thought about how I should be a Waffle House quality control tester.  I could travel around to Waffle Houses unannounced and disguised as a patron, eating and judging, which I do anyway.  The best Waffle House I ever ate at was in Virginia.  The worst was either last night in Albuquerque or the one in South Carolina.  If anyone in the Waffle House corporate office is reading this - call me.  I will be your phantom.

I drove on to Liberal, KS.  Liberal decided that they were Dorothy Gale's hometown.  The Land of Oz exhibit, Dorothy's house, and the yellow brick road can be visited there.  I have absolutely no interest in Dorothy's house - I'm interested in Oz.  Oz only.

Kansas

Kansas

I don't want to alarm anyone, but I only have one arm.  My left wrist started to hurt in Kansas.  Driving for 10-12 hours a day takes a toll.  I don't want pity, seeing America is what I've chosen, or perhaps, America chose me.  It's not easy and with one arm it's going to get harder, so from here on out it's all about pain management.  There will always be pain and suffering, so this is nothing new.  Life is pain management.  The question everyone needs to ask themselves is, what will you do with your pain?  I remember in an interview Shia LeBeouf said "the only thing my father gave me that was of any value is pain".  Pain can be a gift.  I know what I'm going to do, I'm going to take my one good arm and finish this drive.  I'm in the middle of America and I'm a marked man with one arm, so I have to keep moving.  Sometimes, it seems like few choices are ours to make.  

Kansas

INDEX

Start: Albuquerque, NM

End: Colby, KS

Miles: 554

Time on road: 9:57

States: 4, New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas

Lowest elevation: 2700 feet

On Repeat
Some songs I feel the need to listen to multiple times consecutively.  Today I listened these songs at least twice:

Paul Van Dyk - Lights
Sixx:A.M. - Stars
Cyndi Lauper - Time After Time
Little Big Town - Girl Crush
Zella Day - High

Desert Storm

Did you know it rained in the desert?  Well, it does, and it's a bear to have to drive through a desert storm, which is how I spent my day.  I woke up at 7 a.m. Pacific time in the El Cortez on Fremont Street in Downtown Las Vegas.  I won't complain about the hotel because it was only $30 for the night.  I left quickly because I had a really long drive, so I left without getting coffee or food.

I drove through canyons with all different shades of red rocks and my first stop was at McDonald's in Mesquite, NV.

I headed east at Hurricane, UT and quickly ascended to around 5,000 feet and I was headed for darker skies.  Around 1045 it started raining, so my morning and early afternoon was spent crisscrossing the Utah and Arizona border and avoiding flash floods.  When Blue Oyster Cult's Burnin' for You shuffled on in Glen Canyon, I played it twice.  

I arrived at Page, AZ around 1130 and there was a light rain.  I wanted to stop at Horseshoe Bend because it looked cool.  Horseshoe Bend is a sharp curve in in the canyons carved by the Colorado River.  When I arrived I saw everyone wearing raincoats and ponchos, which was a good idea, so I turned around and zipped back to the Walmart I had just passed hoping there'd be a cheap poncho.

I could have just gotten a little bit wet but there was a hike to the viewing area and I was carrying my oxygen concentrator and needed to keep that dry.  I really didn't want to have to hike a red sandy hill in the rain at 5,200 feet, but I was here and I was going to try, so I headed to Walmart to get my gear.

At Walmart, I pick up a cheap pair of slip-on shoes because all I had was flip flops and I did not want red feet, and then I searched and searched for ponchos and they were sold out, obviously everyone had the same idea.  Luckily, I passed through the hunting aisle and saw a camo poncho for $8.99.

Back at the Horseshoe Bend parking lot I slipped on my shoes and opened up the poncho.  For a second, I thought I had bought a tent because the poncho seemed so massive, then I ripped the hood when I put it on because I'm such a brute.  It was only about 68 degrees, but I was already sweating.

I took the climb slowly, stopping frequently, because I was out of breath the whole time.  I eventually made it and turned around to take a photo.  I was very hot and sweaty under the poncho.    

Getting to the top I realized there was another hike down to the edge where you could see the river and get better photos.  I could see the meander of the river through the canyon, so that was enough for me.  I was slightly disappointed, but the hike back up looked like about double what I just did, and the idea of collapsing and dying in a giant camo poncho with a selfie stick bulging in my pocket seemed exceedingly undignified.  

Horseshoe Bend (if you want a better look go to Google images - this isn't a photo tour)

Getting back into the car comfortably was a relief.  It seemed like I had been stopped here for days.  It seemed later than it should be.  I couldn't worry about how much time had passed because it was gone, there was only now, and I had over 400 miles to go so I hit the road.

Around 3 p.m. when I stopped in Kayenta, I noticed that the sky to the south looked ominous.  I was considering a 45 mile detour through Monument Valley.  It looked like the end of the world was approaching so I decided to keep moving because the road through Monument Valley was unpaved and I didn't was to end up in red quicksand.  I would try to stay ahead of the storm instead.  

From 3 to 4 p.m. I raced along the edge of the storm as lightning exploded and sizzled all around me.  There was flashes of light from every angle like the kickoff at the Super Bowl.  I set up my phone and took a time lapse video before the weather got too bad.

I navigated through the desert storm towards the northeast corner of Arizona.  Around 5 p.m. I arrived at the Four Corners Monument.  I was nearly blown away by the wind when I got out of the car.  When it was my turn to stand on the four corners I extended my selfie stick and stood there like a winner snapping away.  As I walked away through the small crowd I realized my selfie stick had malfunctioned and I didn't have a photo.  All I got there was this photo:

On the way towards Shiprock in Navajo Nation, I wonder what nickname the tribe would give me if they were so inclined.  Since I brought the storm and endured it all day it seemed rather obvious.  Everyone agreed that I should be called Stormbearer.

INDEX

Start: Las Vegas, NV

End: Albuquerque, NM

Miles: 699.5

Time on road: 11:59

States: 5, Nevada, Arizona, Utah, Colorado, New Mexico

Highest elevation: 7300 feet

Songs I played twice:
Blue Oyster Cult - Burnin' for You
Lord Huron - Meet Me in the Woods